Distance

Every day I woke up by the alarm, getting myself prepare for work

Checking on mails, messages & social media while I am on my way to work

Waiting for the morning messages, hoping that the first thing you do after you're awake is sending me "Good Morning, Love", but the message always come late

Checking on social media, seeing couples able to do things together, sharing their happiness with their friends and family and hoping that I can do the same, but I can't

Putting the envies behind my head and continue with my life

There goes another post on friends getting married and celebrating with their friends and family, and of course, I wish I can do that someday getting blessings from friends and family, but the expectation wasn't high as I know how society perceive our relationship

Thoughts of getting judge and fear of not getting blessing from my love ones add on the distance towards my dream of marriage

Fine, let's move on

Finally, arriving at work, started our conversations and there goes the daily routine

11am, my ex-colleague texted me on courtesy, we started talking on stuffs, and suddenly he asked me, "Are you seeing someone?", I said "No". I was so frustrated that I couldn't tell anyone about our relationship, fearing of getting attention and rumours and gossips

I am already breaking down halfway through

Let's put on a mask, pretending I am okay and continue with my smiling face

Talking to my colleague with an "okay" face yet inside was crumbling like a pre 8.9 earthquake

The 8.9 earthquake stop and I get to rebuild the buildings to 60% over lunch and getting distracted by my own feelings

2pm, you called. I had to leave the office to talk to you

Trying to be okay and go on with our usual conversations, I was barely able to hold my tears

Let's get back to work

6pm, finally getting off work, I am feeling excited just by the thoughts of seeing you

On my way home, sometimes we chat on life and issues, sometimes I just play my games

Back home, getting dinner with the family, hoping you will be there, eating next to me

Needed to text you secretly

Finally back home for good, getting things done and you video called

Seeing you, drop all the frustrations, sadness, envies, jealousness accumulated throughout the day

We talked and sometimes just stare

It's the end of the night, time for bed

We gave each other virtual kisses and hugs, hoping that its a real hug and kiss

Hoping that we could touch each other physically

Saying good night is always the hardest part because we have to go to sleep without having each other by our side

Sometimes, I couldn't stand it and cry myself to sleep when I am too emotional

Hoping that your shoulder is there, but it's not

Thinking how can people survive LDR

Thinking how long more can I take this

Missing you to sleep every night

Good Night Love.