Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Another cracked during CNY!

Some people say when you are too close to someone, it's easier to screw up the relationship. Well, that's true! When it comes to this person I am ranting about, when I get to see him every single day and knowing what he does everyday just make me go crazy because of his irresponsibility and immature mind. Yes! This is a family issue I am talking about. I hate the most when I am trying to reach someone and that person purposely doesn't want to pick up the call! This just fucking piss me off, unless you apologise to me SINCERELY knowing that you are wrong, or else I am never gonna start a word with you first! That's how much I hate when a person doesn't pick up my call and never return when he knows that I am not calling for fun!

Another issue, when it comes to girl, everything is ash to you! U drive like crazy in the midnight just to text a fucking girl risking your friends and family life, you don't have the fucking rights to say someone who drive dangerously when he is mad cause you do the same thing too, idiot! Yet, when I am piss at this and you say that its MY MISTAKE! WHAT MISTAKE HAVE I DONE? CARING FOR YOU IS A MISTAKE ? Oh, then so sorry that I care too much, I am definitely gonna care less now! Just don't fucking come and cry to me when you cause a trouble!

There is so much that I want to rant here but I am emotionally tired of all THESE bullshit. I am not even gonna think how to put it in words because I am really bad at expressing.

The fire within me will never fade. It will cause a scar that never heal.

I guess I just have to deal with it by being more carefree when you tied with blood to these issues!

Ranting End!

Emotionally Drained!

And one last word - FUCK!

Saturday, June 11, 2016

Words don't mean anything! Just Do It!

Something happen and inspired me to write this:

Picture speaks a million word, but word sometimes doesn't even mean anything. They can say they love you, but they do not. Or they can say friends forever, but you are not. Things like that can be proven through their actions towards you. As I grow older, I realize so many friends of mine have different pathway and start to live their life without you in it. This really breaks my heart because people change, and I don't blame of their change because I change too. I started living my life and making new friends but I still want them to be part of my life. To get through this, I just have to care lesser and put my feelings onto some other things that are more important.

I am grateful to those that are still willing to meet me despite their busy schedule because they prioritize me. I don't blame those who don't prioritize me but to those that I prioritize them but they are not like that to me. It feels like you have been rejected by someone you love.

Sometimes I am thankful that I migrate to Singapore that makes me see the truth behind all the courteous they had once showed me. I get to make new friends in Singapore that really care about me and sometimes obsess or crazy about me. They might not know me for long, but they really know how I am deeply inside. They care for me like their family and I truly feel their loves to me.

When I am back for work in Malaysia for this two weeks, I started letting go and be more appreciate to those that deserves my effort. I am someone that is really cold at the outside, but when I really care, I really do care with all my heart and try to extend my limit just for them.

I hope after this, I am a little bit stronger and be able to express more of my feelings to those that really do love me.

Good Night

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

New Life Goal

Read some article in LinkedIn, and came across this article by Amy Cuddy, "Why We Leave So Many Job Interviews Feeling Regretful... and How We Can Learn to Leave Them Feeling Satisfied". The paragraph below just hit me so hard in the head and make me realise what I was doing wrong all this time. 

 "But how did we get there? We got there by worrying what others would think of us, but believing we already knew what they thought; by feeling powerless and consenting to that feeling; by clinging to the outcome and attributing far too much importance to it instead of focusing on the process. These worries coalesce into a toxic cocktail of self-defeat." - Amy Cuddy

I was worrying about how people expect me to be and how people think of me rather than doing my best to show them what I got. I don't know why, but somehow I feel that I am born this way of thinking too much and conscious about how people look at me. Its not something that I know it's wrong and I can change it right away like changing a dirty underwear. I am going to make it a goal to improve myself by not being so fearful of what people would think about me. I just do ME and that's what I am going for. Thank you for the awesome article teaching people how to manage yourself before going to a job interview. This was way way far better and effective than telling what to answer to questions that job interviewer would ask. Hopefully, I can throw away this habit and fear of mine in a year. 

I'll link the article below if you guys are interested:

"Why We Leave So Many Job Interviews Feeling Regretful... and How We Can Learn to Leave Them Feeling Satisfied"

Friday, June 3, 2016

New Updates!!

Just an update on my status, I quit my job and started a new job this June. 1st June is my first day of work and they flew me over to Malaysia to help out and get some knowledge about how things work in their company as they HQ located in Malaysia. So, here I am in Malaysia working for at least 2 weeks I think before going back to Singapore as a PA.

I was quite excited at first thinking that this is a industry I am familiar with as I have my internship in similar industry, and yes, I know how things works and because of my 1 year and 1 month working life in Singapore, I can feel the contrast between working in Malaysia and Singapore. In this industry, no matter what your position is, you have to touch on everything because there are too many things to handle. Working in Malaysia you get to drive to work and having issue of finding parking, as for Singapore, you have to sacrifice your sleeping time to wake up early ahead to squeeze with the morning working crowd to take the MRT or buses to work which will take up around 1 hour of your morning. When I was in Malaysia, it was so relaxing that knowing you can control the time here in Malaysia and its more flexible without having a fix lunch hour break, but I also miss the organise system in Singapore where they have their own perspective team/ department to complete the whole company. If only I could work in those company, I would be so happy.

But flying off on the first day of work wasn't bad at all, I couldn't complaint any further as there are people still don't have this kind of opportunity for their whole life. I am not sure whether thinking like this is good or bad but definitely not wrong. Besides, being optimistic is healthier for you right?

I am prepare to launch another missile and excited what's going to happen in the next few months.
Thank you to everyone that supports me along the way, you know me, I don't say names, you know who you are. Without encouraging words and support, I would have gone crazy  for being a perfectionist. Thank you and wish me luck!

Next journey: Finding a boyfriend?

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Happy Chinese New Year!!! Or Maybe Not...

Happy Chinese New Year!!

As usual, each year is getting a lot more duller and "not so hype" anymore for Chinese New Year. This year was not surprisingly quiet and peace. One of the reasons is  because not much traditions is passing down to the youngsters these days as they don't really believe in these kinds of traditions anymore. I saw people wore black on the first day, washing hair on the first day or even sweeping on the first day. Its not a surprise scene to me anymore since 2 years ago. Things are getting more boring for me as my own siblings don't even want to go to my relatives' house anymore. At least I am having a little fun at my relatives' house as my cousins are growing up and we can talk a lot more compare to past years.

The environment in Kuala Lumpur also seems so boring and doesn't even have any festive decorations. The streets are all plain except the mall's decorations which always impress me. Shopping malls always compete with each other on festive seasons on the decorations. For Christmas, I don't really have to mention this, of course its the Pavilion. They even have a Swarovski Christmas tree in the middle of the mall. It looks so beautiful and gigantic and its so impressing. For Chinese New Year, I am not sure who won the contest as I always hang around Mid Valley area. I didn't even have time to shop others shopping mall.

Talking about time, the schedule back in Kuala Lumpur was so pack and I barely can breathe with all the chaos. Things were fine until my brother decides to mess up all the schedule by refusing to visit my relative's house. I manage to meet up with one of two of my friends only which is kinda sad for me. I only spent one week there and had to come back to Singapore on the Friday night so I get to rest for 2 days before work start on Monday. Those who have 15 days of Chinese New Year holiday, please appreciate it as I am so jealous of the time you guys have. Working life sucks.

Chinese New Year is not over yet, I am here already talking about the end of MY Chinese New Year. How I wish I have more time to spend with my love ones and time to rest before hitting back to work. Well, however, I am back in Singapore and started work already. Life is resuming and my everyday life is heading to work, hit the gym and back home. That's about all. On the weekends, I always wanted to stay home and have a good rest but surprisingly I couldn't have a good rest at home and so. I'll hit the gym again on the weekends. It sounds like I go to the gym very often but don't expect to see me with a great body because I am still at the stage to get use to the gym right now by attending classes of yoga and body balance. That will change me mentally which I always wanted, but not physically yet. I think I'll take another 6 months to really work intensely on my body.

I think that's about all.

For all my friends in Kuala Lumpur, I am so so sorry that I couldn't get to meet you during the Chinese New Year holidays. I know I am always saying this but please bare with me until I can find the balance of my life so I can really arrange a time back to really spend time with you guys. I am so so sorry.

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Who Knows...

Things goes round and round, does everything cycle that well in life? I make some friends in Malaysia and we became best friends, then distance bring us apart and that's it. Is it going to happen to me here again, making friends and once thought that we will be the bestest friends but then it had to end it again?

I am so tired of life, if that's how it is going to be. I need some permanent achievement and something that makes me feel good. I might go back to drinking again and maybe clubbing just to have some fun from all this drama in my life. Well, its not literally a drama, but I should have met someone that thinks like me so we can chat forever and agreeing things all the time forever.

I am so tired.. so tired.. mentally tired as hell..

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

New Chapter

New adventure, second part of my life has just begun. Working and making new friends in a new environment, I finally got used to it. I found the matching friends with the same interest, who talks about the same things and working in a way that I felt comfortable. Nothing seems wrong here. But, things can be better if I try harder. Should I? I still can't let go of that lazy side of me. Trying so hard to workout but it seems like I can never find a time to sign up for gym to start my workout.

Someone? Please motivate me ..